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I (27M) found pictures of my girlfriend (23F) topless on the beach at night with strangers

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A bit of background: My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years. We have lived most of this time at a distance, because both of us did periods of study abroad, now we live in the same country but different cities , about 2-3 hours of driving away from each other. We manage to spend together almost every weekend, and we were used to much bigger distances when we were living in different european nations, so the distance we have now is no big deal.

I'm currently working in my hometown (which is her hometown too), she is still studying for her master's degree and will finish in one year. Recently I got a job opportunity in her city and thought it would have been nice to work there for one year and stay together. I didn't previously plan to go there, but I was contacted for a position by an ex colleague of mine and I liked the company. She's renting a house with one male flatmate and I suggested her to leave that house and rent a place with me instead. This was all just to test the ground as I wasn't even interviewed yet, but wanted to talk to my girlfriend before that. She told me she is not ready to live together and wanted me to rent a separate place, she said she would stay often at my place but wanted to keep her own too. Given this reaction, I didn't want to move there anymore, instead she insisted that she wanted me to move, but in a separate house. This made no sense for me, because the job was nice but nothing I couldn't find everywhere else, and my hometown is bigger and has more jobs in my field, the main reason I wanted to move was to stay with her. I told her that given that she wasn't ready to share an apartment with me, I would look for jobs in other cities and go where I could find the better opportunity, in my country or the neighboring one. After we had this conversation, she left for 10 days to go on a vacation at the sea with a friend.

The fact: When she was on vacation, she partied every night and posted a lot of pictures where she was dancing and drinking. I was naturally a bit jealous but I thought she was innocently having fun. I'm also on vacation by the sea, in a different place, where my family has a flat, and invited her here when her previous vacation was over, so two days ago I went to pick her up at the airport and brought her here. The morning after she was showing me pictures of her vacation on her phone, and while scrolling she suddenly ends up on something she does not want me to see and locks her phone in embarrassment. The only thing I saw in that moment was a picture of her leaning on a guy, and thought that was what she didn't want me to see. At this point I was angry knowing she wanted to hide something from me. We stopped talking to each other for an hour then she came to show me the pictures and apologize. She showed me this picture of her on the beach at night, with 4 boys and another girl, going for a midnight swim. All other people were wearing swimsuits, but she didn't have one, so she was was with her underwear and no bra. She was wearing an open men shirt, borrowed from one of the guys, with her tits out in the open. I don't know the people in the picture, she says they are her friend's friends. I'm heartbroken since I saw that picture and I feel like my entire life has crumbled to pieces. I would have never expected her to do this to me, and I also don't understand why she would be so lacking of self-love to just show herself to strangers like this. I asked her for explanation multiple times yesterday and got different responses. Her story is this: she was wearing no bra but wanted to swim and didn't want to wet her t-shirt so borrowed a shirt from one of the guys. She said she closed the shirt and it just happened that the picture was taken meanwhile she was closing it. This makes no sense because she was actively posing in the picture and making a face for the camera. Later she told me that she was upset for our discussions about cohabitation and wanted to do something reckless to forget about our problems for a while.

I sent her away on a train this morning and told her I want to spend my vacation alone and told her I'm considering breaking up. Right before she hopped on the train we both started crying and I held her in my arms for a couple minutes.

I feel what she's done justifies breaking up, also I'm not sure if those pictures show everything or are just the tip of the iceberg. However, it's very difficult for me to break up. Our relationship has been perfect up to this time, we shared a lot of intense moments together, thought she was the love of my live and always loyal to me, was planning everything for a future together. Those have been 5 beautiful years and it's hard to imagine my life without her. However, this thing came as a punch to my stomach and I don't feel I can trust her anymore afterwards. Is there a way to recover or are we done for?

I'm hating her for what she has done to me, but am terrified of losing her and would feel miserable without her. When I told her I'm considering breaking up she said she would do everything in the world to get back with me, that I'm all her life, and that she's ashamed of what she did.

One additional issue: we have already paid for a travel to japan together later this year and can't get the money back. I want to go with her anyway. Am I being too soft? How should I handle it?

submitted by /u/Throwaway94759 to r/relationship_advice
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Published by , 13.08.2019 at 21:34
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